I Love My Kids, But I Miss Myself: The Identity Shift No One Warns You About

Before I became a mom, I knew things would change. I expected sleepless nights, messy floors, and endless laundry. I even braced myself for the emotional rollercoaster of loving something so fiercely it hurts.

But what I didn’t expect was the slow, quiet way I started to forget who I was before motherhood.

I love my kids with every ounce of my being—but I miss myself. And that feeling? It’s real. And it’s okay to say it out loud.

Losing (and Finding) Myself in Motherhood

Becoming a mom felt like a rebirth—but not just of a child. It was also the beginning of a completely different version of me. My priorities shifted. My time wasn’t my own. Even my body didn’t feel like mine anymore.

Somewhere between midnight feedings and Target runs, I realized I wasn’t doing anything just for me. I wasn’t reading the books I used to love, calling friends just to talk, or even finishing a cup of coffee while it was still hot.

And it wasn’t just about hobbies. It was deeper than that. I couldn’t figure out what made me feel alive anymore. I forgot what I was passionate about. I started to think maybe this version of me—mom, caregiver, scheduler, snack-finder—was the only one that existed now.

The Quiet Grief of Identity Shift

Nobody talks about the subtle grief of losing your “before-mom” self. It’s not the dramatic kind of grief. It’s the kind that creeps in during quiet moments—when you look in the mirror and barely recognize the person staring back.

And the guilt? It’s heavy. How can I miss who I was when I’m so blessed to be a mother?

Here’s the truth I’ve come to believe: Missing yourself doesn’t mean you love your children any less. It means you’re still human. You can love them with your whole heart and feel the ache of self-loss at the same time.

Reclaiming Pieces of Me

I haven’t fully “found” myself again—but I’m learning to reclaim little pieces, one choice at a time:

• Morning walks without pushing a stroller. Just me, my music, and the sunrise.

• Journaling what I feel, not just what I need to get done.

• Saying “yes” to childcare help without guilt so I can take a solo hour in a coffee shop.

• Talking to other moms who get it—because there’s comfort in knowing I’m not the only one.

Every small step reminds me: I’m still here. I never left. I’ve just been buried under layers of responsibility and love.

To the Mom Who Feels This Too

If you feel like you’ve lost yourself in motherhood, you’re not alone. It doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest. And brave.

You’re allowed to grieve the old you. You’re allowed to carve out space for the woman who still lives inside you—one who matters, not just because she’s a mom, but because she is herself.

So today, do one thing that’s just for you. No guilt. No apology. Just a small act of remembering: you’re still you. And you’re worth coming home to.